1. Notes: 1 / 1 year ago 
    Did work. #pbr #pabst #blue #ribbon #24oz #tallboys #imsuperfuckedup

    Did work. #pbr #pabst #blue #ribbon #24oz #tallboys #imsuperfuckedup

  2. 1 year ago 
    He’s always tryin to strike a pose.  #vogue #madonaaintgotshitonrocky

    He’s always tryin to strike a pose. #vogue #madonaaintgotshitonrocky

  3. 1 year ago 
    I’m a fire starter.  A twisted, fire starter.

    I’m a fire starter. A twisted, fire starter.

  4. 1 year ago 
    Mmm… Burritos…

    Mmm… Burritos…

  5. 1 year ago 

    I remember you.

  6. 3 years ago 


    Sucks the big one.  I’m pretty sure if I stopped breathing in my sleep tonight it wouldn’t be soon enough.  And before anyone starts saying shit about me being all emo, it has nothing to do with that.  More less I’m just tired of being in the same situations time and time again.  I have no one to blame but myself.  I take good things and ruin them.  Someone once told me I was a monster and that I destroy everything I touch.  I used to think they were just being a hateful bitch, but I’m learning more and more that they knew exactly what they were talking about.  I have this awesome talent of coming across some of the best situations in life, and then totally 110% fucking them up to the point of no return.  Oh well.  Long story short, Atreyu said it best, “Live. Love. Burn. Die.”  But I suppose I can keep this plastic smile plastered on my face for the next 20 years.  So all in all, its gonna be a good life.


  7. 3 years ago 
    "Good work ain’t cheap, and cheap work ain’t good." - Unknown

    "Good work ain’t cheap, and cheap work ain’t good." - Unknown


  8. 3 years ago 


    I can’t begin to tell you how many miles I have walked.  I can’t express how far my travels have taken me.  Not in a way that any of you could ever understand or relate too.  This isn’t a pissing contest to see who has taken the bumpier road.  I know there are many people who have had trials that make mine look like child’s play.  However each road effects each person in a different way, so no two are the same. 

    I know I can keep pushing forward, I know I can take another turn.  I know I talk a tough game and wear a strong face when I’m around people.  I have been compared and nicknamed “superman” on more occasions than I can count.  I have been that guy who you “just can’t kill” to a lot of people.  However, just because I have the ability to put up a good front, doesn’t mean I’m strong.  All it means is that I’ve had practice.

    My head is numb.  My eyes are red.  My soul is weak.  My hearts like lead.  Anymore, there is nothing that makes it go away.  I’ve tried so many different methods of erasing these feelings.  I’ve taken so many different roads.  None of them have taken me to the place I used to know.  Each one of them leads to the same empty place that I find myself standing in right now.

    I’m tired.  I feel helpless.  I feel beaten.  I once swore to myself that no matter how hard things ever got, I would never stop, I would never give up.  Though I guess everyone has a breaking point, and this wouldn’t be the first promise I would have broken it seems.  Before any of you start freaking out and worrying or calling me “emo” or what ever, I’m not talking about suicide, I’m not even toying with those sort of thoughts.

    To put it simply, I’m just tired.  I have no drive left in me.  I have no reason to continue fighting this uphill battle.  I have no desire to keep walking towards a destination I know I will never reach.  I want to sit down right here, find a semi-comfortable place to rest my head and just sleep.  I don’t wish to be woken up either.

    I have done this to myself in one way or another.  I can’t blame how I feel on anyone but myself.  Each individual is in charge of their own emotions.  I won’t play the victim, I won’t point any fingers.  Anyone who thinks they know what has caused this in me, is probably wrong on their assumptions. 

    I don’t even know what else to write, I’m just tired.  I welcome an eternal sleep, because at least in my dreams, I can go to places that I’ll never be able to find in real life.  Places that I feel alive.  I’m just sick of spending so much time counting sheep, and not reaping the benefits from doing so.

    Don’t wake me, I plan on sleeping in.


  9. 3 years ago 

    I’ve made my bed.

    I feel as if I’m slipping away.  What I used to hold a firm grip on, I’m barely able to keep a grasp on.  I knew this would happen sooner or later, I just didn’t want to believe it was actually happening.  I feel empty, amongst other mixed emotions.  I don’t know how to accept the fact that I’m going to be replaced one day.  I can’t come to terms with the idea of someone else holding the hand that once held mine.  All I want is for her to be happy, even if its not with me, even if it means I’m not.  I hate how things ended.  I hate that I hurt her.  I hate that I can’t take back everything I’ve done.  I hate that I wasn’t able to give her what she was looking for.  I hate that in my gut I know I’ll never have another chance.  I don’t deserve one though, and that is my own fault.  I made my bed, it’s where I have to sleep.  Cold, and alone. 


  10. 3 years ago 

    On my own two feet.

    I’m just ended my first week in Pittsburgh.  So far it has been much as I expected it to be.  I have gotten to see a few of my good friends, there are still many more left to be seen.  I have had a night out on Southside.  I have seen some interesting/entertaining situations that you really don’t see around Bedford.  I have had a job interview (more on that later).  I am happy to be back.  Though, I’m also missing Jesi and my family to death.  I feel as if I’ve been gone a year already.  I hate being away from the people who mean the most.  I hate feeling lost in the one place I feel as if I know my way around the best. Though I guess patience is a virtue, and good things come to those who wait, and all of the other cliche sayings you can think of.

    I keep telling myself this is going to be worth it in the long run, that when all is said and done we are going to benefit from this so much more.  There is some possible fact to back that up.  As I mentioned I already have had a job interview, there is a good possibility of being hired on in a management position for a company that I wouldn’t have any issues working for.  If I get this job, I can get a pretty good future set up with this company, especially if I walk in with my foot already in a management position.  This job is key to helping myself become stable and self sufficient.  I know this is a good thing.

    Knowing that doesn’t change how much empty I feel away from her.  It doesn’t change the fact that I broke my promise to her about not leaving that town again without her.  It doesn’t make everything ok.  It does give me the opportunity to get my car back, and get my phone turned back on, and get a better place to live, and get to go visit her and get her up here to visit me.  Those are the important factors.  As soon as I get back on solid ground again I am going to be able to help her prepare for this place, help her succeed.  I just hope that this time away from each other doesn’t change the story line we have talked about, I hope no one else steps in to replace me during these next several months. 

    I suppose I should try not to worry about things that are out of my control at this point in time.  It won’t do any good.  I just have to keep hoping and praying that things are going to pan out for me the way that would make me happiest.  In the mean time, I am going to be focusing at get back on my own two feet again, something I haven’t honestly been able to say I’ve done for awhile now.


  11. 3 years ago 

    Pittsburgh v2.0

    Round two in Pittsburgh.  Feels much like round 1.  Exceptions being, I have a better chance of success this time around, and this time around I am missing her about 400 times more than last time.  As much as I want to stay there and wait for her, I know she wants me to take care of myself and get my affairs in order.  She is right about that, it is the smarter move.  However she was wrong when she said that I would be happier up here.  Happy with the environment, yes.  Happy with the friends, yes.  Happy with the opportunities, yes.  Happy with with having things to do, yes.  What she underestimated though, is that the thing that makes me the happiest, is still in Bedford.  Without that, none of the previously mentioned matters to me.  I promised to stay strong, I promised to be patient, I promised I’d wait, I promised no one else would take her place.  I will keep every one of those promises.  I can’t however promise to be happy.  Not until June, not until she returns.  Until then, I’ll find a job, maybe two, and I’ll work as much as humanly possible to distract me from remembering how lonely I’m going to be over the next 7 months.  I just hope that no matter what happens, even if someone takes my place before that time, that I won’t be forgotten.  That is one thing I couldn’t handle.  I will keep updates on my progress in Pittsburgh, I will keep notations of my well-being, or lack there of.  Either way I will maintain a complete blog again.  Read if you like, if not, oh well.  Cross your fingers for me, and I’m going to keep my faith in the future I have seen everyday since June 13th, 2009.


  12. 3 years ago 

    Ventilation is key to healthy breathing.

    Stress!  That is all my life has been lately.  Each day becoming worse and worse.  Today it stops!  Financially I’m drained.  Mentally I’m unstable.  Physically I’m exhausted.  Emotionally I’m lost.  See below.

    Financially:  I have been trying to find a job for quite sometime now, one successful bite.  Though it was very short lived because someone doesn’t know how to run background checks properly.  The economy is NOT fixed.  Don’t let the media spread their lies to your ears.  There are no jobs out there at the moment.  The asshole sitting in office who has claimed that relief is here, is full of shit.  I have so many people holding their hands out for cash, cash that I DO owe them.  Cash that I fully intend on paying forward.  However until I find work, there really isn’t much I can do about that.

    Mentally:  My brain is wired incorrectly as is.  You throw in a heaping plate of stress on top of that, the situation is not made easier.  I am trying to do the best I can to please everyone else, however I can’t even please myself at the moment.  I can’t tell you how much restraint it is taking me to not walk into the middle of the road and scream at the top of my lungs, letting everyone within earshot hear my fury. 

    Physically:  Due to all of the stress and other circumstantial bullshit that is beyond my control I have developed stomach ulcers, lost my appetite completely, and find healthy sleep to be all together non-existent.  It doesn’t take a doctor to tell you that without all of that, your body begins to deteriorate.  I’m not in danger of dying, at least I don’t believe I am, but I am far from being a healthy pup at the moment.

    Emotionally:  It is no secret to anyone that Jesi and I have been having our struggles with each other.  It is also no one’s business but ours.  We and we alone know the whole story.  No one else has any right to stick their nose into our business and offer their two cents where it is not welcome.  All you do is make things much worse than what they are.  I have every ounce of trust in that girl, and I have ever bit of faith invested in her.  I love her more than I ever thought was possible to love someone who wasn’t my mother/sister/brother/etc etc.  I don’t care what anyone has to say to me about the situation, I will not give up on what I see when I look at her.  So instead of worrying about us, worry about yourselves, trust me I know enough dirt on all of you to understand you should have more important things on your minds than something that doesn’t even concern you. 

    I have been knocked down more than a few pegs here.  However I’m far from out.  I have a great future laying ahead of me, and I have some amazing people (even though there aren’t many of them) who are there for me.  I refuse to be beaten, I refuse to give up.  I will overcome all of the above and set everything right again.  Doubt me?  Wait and see and I will make damn sure you eat your words.


  13. 3 years ago 
    I’m not much of a jester, but I’d test poisoned food for you…

    I’m not much of a jester, but I’d test poisoned food for you…

  14. 3 years ago 

    15 lines and 85 words

    5 fingers on my hand,
    5 fingers on yours.
    10 fingers all together, lace our hearts at their cores.

    24 hours a day,
    7 days a week.
    That’s 365 days a year, you leave me too dizzy to speak.

    100 beats per minute,
    23,000 blinks per day.
    Everything you do, you take my breath away.

    6 1/2 billion people alive,
    12 million in my state.
    None of them compare to you, not one of them as great.

    80 years to live,
    An eternity above.
    I’d still never have enough time, to show you all of my love.


  15. 4 years ago 
    Truer words were never spoken.

    Truer words were never spoken.